You might feel embarrassed about picking up a self-help guide, but they can be a good way of helping to explore your own feelings. There is a wealth of helpful and sympathetic advice out there, in the form of books and counselling. And it made me thankful that I didn't have to go though what my parents must have when I left for college." "I still missed him, and he still got homesick, but it was manageable. When her son left home to go to university, they talked daily – whether through text, email, Skype, or on the phone. And worrying about their welfare can exacerbate the feelings of loneliness and loss.Ĭommunication is key you need to give your child space to become independent and enjoy their new life, but staying in touch and finding out how they are is healthy.ĭenise Culver, an American mother with two children, believes that technology has made it much easier to cope with the transition of a child leaving home she says that it enables us "to live much more enriched, thoroughly communicated lives with our kids". Inevitably, you know less about their life where they are and what they're doing at any given moment of the day. Rather, it is the daily reality of living with your child no longer at home. Often, though, the physical separation itself is not the hardest part. Are you going to drop them off in their new home, or are they getting there by themselves? How will you travel, where will you park, what public transport will you use? And once you're there, how long are you going to stay for? Resolving these issues well ahead of time means that on the day itself all the technical issues are sorted, and you "only" have the emotional aspect to cope with. It's worth sorting out the practical aspects in advance.
Making a plan for the initial goodbye gives a framework and can be comforting. Family Lives found that so many parents experience pain at an empty nest that they set up a specific advice line for the problem. Having a job outside of the house can provide structure and distraction, but by no means immunisation. Lillian Little says: "I thought I would never suffer from empty nest syndrome – I'm a college professor with a PhD – I thought only pathetic women with no life beyond their kids had no problem with this." But Little was afflicted by a sense of "life-altering loss".
In reality, it can affect any kind of parent, whether you have a separate career or not. Lots of your time might be taken up helping them to get ready, so try to take a few moments for yourself, just to acknowledge how you are feeling."Ī myth that surrounds empty nest syndrome is that it is only applicable to stay-at-home mothers, who have shaped their life around the nurturing of their children. The weight of grief experienced can take you by surprise, and acknowledging the depth of sadness you are going through is key to accepting it.Īs the charity Family Lives says: "When your children are getting ready to leave home, it can be a stressful time. Parents are told dismissively to buck up, get a hobby or a cat and start seeing friends more – but "empty nest syndrome" can hard to cope with. Some parents feel a very real sense of grief and loss a lack of purpose or control.īecause having a child leave home to go to university is regarded as a measure of success – a sign that you have prepared them for the world – the downsides are often not adequately acknowledged. The pain of separation can go far beyond simply missing your son or daughter after they're gone.
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